A weekend with my sweet little Angel

This past week has been very busy. I never thought I can reach here (Aby’s home) today. Physically, I am tired; however, I want to reach here because she is always in my eyes with a beautiful angelic smile. I am ecstatic beyond reason because being a dad is far more wonderful than I ever imagined.

I have held her in my arms when she was 10 days old. I am scared because she is so fragile. I am in awe of the power that this tiny being only a few days old holds over me. She was fair like fresh mist, her lips were red. Her eyes had the sparkle of a twinkling star. It was different experience holding her in my arms, a bony mass helpless, tiny and yet so beautiful! I wrapped her tightly in a small blanket; I cradle my precious newborn daughter in my arms. She looks at me, blinks several times, glances around and then returns her gaze to mine. Her eyes are so sweet. They are the most striking eyes I have ever seen. What does she see? How does she see it? Her eyes have re-opened my eyes as if I am seeing the world for the first time.

I work my fingers inside the warm blanket to find her hand. When I place my finger in the center of her palm she squeezes it with all her strength. Her fingers are long and slender. Her tiny fingernails are transparent, revealing the pink flesh beneath them. On the back of her sweet hand I can see the minute network of veins and capillaries held in place by her fair skin. This is the softest hand I have ever held. I raise it to my lips and kiss her newborn skin while breathing in through my nose to capture her scent.

Her legs kick and her feet wiggle out from her swaddling. I place the palm of my hand against the bottom of her feet and gently push. She pushes back, first with the right, then with the left, in quick succession. Her two feet are slender; however, large for a newborn. Still, they leave space in the palm of my hand. She has five toes on each foot. They are precious little toes with nails similar to the ones on her fingers, only smaller. Kissing her feet is a treat. Her toes feel like smooth warm peas wiggling on my lips.

I tenderly brush the knuckle of my first finger against her right cheek near her perfect pink lips. With her mouth open, her head immediately jerks toward my knuckle. This action makes me smile. I then brush her left cheek and again her whole head thrusts to the left. I turn my palm up and gently place my pinky finger to her lips. Her suck is strong and I can feel the blood rushing to the part of my finger that is inside her toothless mouth.

As I snuggle her back into the blanket my eyes take in every defining contour of my newborn daughter's face. Her head is shaped in a perfect round, with her slightly swollen nose at its center. Her ears are thin, long. They rest perfectly balanced on either side of her head. I raise her head to my lips to give her a light kiss. Her forehead is soft and ever so slightly fuzzy. It reminds me of a peach; her smell is much sweeter. Her hair is angel fine and has a hint of curl to it.

Nestled in my arms she quickly drifts off to sleep. I can feel her warmth through the three blankets she is swaddled in. For nine months and four days she has been safe inside of aby and now that I can finally touch her. She took a piece of my heart with her.

Her cries would disturb the entire household. Her tiny fingers, tiny pinkish palm, beady eyes used to make me wonder – “How can an infant be so small?” She used to cry at stroke of dawn and there were times where nobody except her mom (Aby) knew how to pacify her and make her quiet.

Wow, I'm a dad! For the first time in my life I feel so much. So many thoughts and emotions run through my mind. My heart feels completely open and totally exposed. I never knew my parents loved me this much, but now I am certain that they did. I was raised with the belief that God's love for me was more than I could ever imagine and now that boundary of what I thought love was has been expanded almost to the point of breaking.

I am exhausted; I watch the blankets rise and fall with each breath she takes and yet I lack the stamina to hold my eyes open. Finally, my exhaustion causes me to drift off into sleep with my beautiful newborn daughter sleeping soundly in my arms.

Bindra clinches India's first individual Olympic gold

Today is most memorable day for each and every INDIAN.No one can forget this day.I WISH Abhinav my heartiest congratulations on winning the first ever gold medal for India in individual event. He made 1 Billion people proud. This is a very good sign and a motive for all youngsters in INDIA. And I wish very all the best for rest of the team

Finally!! here are the photos

Finally!! here are the photos
Okay, so here are some of the first snaps that we took. By the way, we were prohibited by the old folks in our families to take any snaps of the kid (they have a supersition that it would rob the charm from the kid's face.. don't laugh). Now since that restriction was over after the first 40 days (don't ask me about this calculation of first 40 days Ha ha ha :) ), we have never stopped taking her snaps since then.

Kerala’s traditional and conservative customs in pregnancy and childbirth

Pregnancy and childbirth customs are more traditional and conservative in Kerala than perhaps most other places. To my knowledge I am not yet aware of any hospitals or clinics which offer childbirth classes for couples. The tradition is such that when the wife goes into labor she will be admitted to the hospital where perhaps a female family member and the hospital staff will assist her through her labor and delivery. The husbands are not by their wives side and instead usually wait in the waiting area for the news of the birth. May be, this practice of no men in the labor/delivery area is further enforced because the woman is in a female ward with other women in the same condition (labor and giving birth) One of my friends attended during his firstborn son. He later commented that no husband should see what he saw. : )

But of course, after the woman has given birth, she is moved to a room (which may or may not be private) where male family members are allowed to visit her and see the new baby.

When the woman is discharged from the hospital, depending on the conservatism and traditions of the family, she may be released and go immediately to her parents home. Many families practice what is refered to as the “40 day rule.” After a woman gives birth, the woman is expected to have 40 days in which she rests and her body heals before she is viewed as ready to return to her home and sharing a bed with her husband. During this 40 day period, the husband may naturally come and spend time visiting with his wife and child but he will not stay or share a bed with her. And again, I reiterate this practice is not necessarily followed by all but most.

Such practices are indeed a contrast with the Western practices where the father is pretty much expected to be in both the labor and delivery rooms with his wife. Classes and training are given to the couple during the pregnancy so the father can be a pro-active coach to his wife. And in many cases, it may be the father who gets to first hold the newborn child and then present their child to the new mother. Of course such an experience forges an incredible bond between the new family – mother, father and child. If these practices take place perhaps in some of the private hospitals in India, then I am not aware of it.

The pains to be a father

Dr. Zareena Khalid had asked Aby to get admitted in Lakshmi Hospital, Aluva on July 18th evening. But 14th morning she admitted in the hospital caused by a minor hemorrhage. Aby was given medicines to induce pain. Also she was given an IV (drip) of glucose to induce pain. As expected, the pains started in a short while.

All the while from afternoon I and our parents were near labor room. Aby's mom visited her after that she went dead scared to hear her cry in pain. In fact we had to keep Aby's mom from coming inside because she could not tolerate her daughter undergoing the misery. Neither could I. My God, I was also near in tears to tell frankly. But I had to keep my cool.

Finally, by evening the pain had become more intolerable and doctor appeared to tell us that she has suffering a huge pain and that Aby may undergo an emergency operation if it wont happen till 6.30pm.

At 6.30 Dr. Zareena Khalid again appeared and told the baby's position is very positive, and we should wait till 9.30pm. This meant we had to wait for 2 more hours. All this led to a horrible mental state; I thought this time doctor was doubtful of a normal delivery, now all that I wished was that Aby be operated immediately. But still I wanted a normal delivery. If truth be told I really want to see her to give Aby a massage in her back to soothe her pain and give her all the courage. I don’t know, do women prefer to have the husband there or do they feel more comfortable knowing he will not see them during labor? In Kerala, The husbands are not by their wives side and instead usually wait in the waiting area for the news of the birth. May be, this practice of no men in the labor/delivery area is further enforced because the woman is in a female ward with other women in the same condition (labor and giving birth). Such practices are indeed a contrast with the Western practices where the father is pretty much expected to be in both the labor and delivery rooms with his wife. Of course such an experience forges an incredible bond between the new family – mother, father and child. If these practices take place perhaps in some of the private hospitals in India, then I am not aware of it.

I was hell worried about both the kid and the mom. All kinds of bad thoughts were running in my mind that time and all kinds of "what if...” questions began to emerge which made me carry. I was also feeling guilty for some reason.

The wait outside the labor room was one looonnnggg wait. Though it was for only 5-6 hours... It seems like 100 days for me. I was totally tense and I wasn't here mentally. Though people were talking to me and I was hearing them, I never really understood what people around me were saying. I was praying God for the safety and both the mom and the kid.

I guess I would have peeped every 10 seconds from the visitor’s area to see the labor room's doors... to see if some activity was going on.

Our parents and some other relatives were still in the labor room waiting area in ground floor. When we were desperately waiting, my mother came running down with a smile. Now I was not sure why she was smiling. I reasoned that nothing should have happened because I was keeping a watch on the labor room's door. I was on top of the world... I had a mixture of feelings :).

Immediately everyone rushed to labor room's door to see our darling. I was still not out of the mental stress and was still waiting to hear about Aby's health. Shortly, I was told that the mother was doing fine. Was thanking God... and immediately went to labor room's door to see my kid. All the while I was so sure that a daughter was born (Not that I didn't like a boy, but probably because of the fact that my siblings' kids were boys). was a proud father with all smiles in my face :).

Then I rushed in to the door to see my baby. As I neared the labor room, I could see all my relatives crowding the room entrance. As I neared I could see my parents and in-laws having a wide smile. And my mom was even crying with joy. She told me that it’s a baby girl. I was very surprised and was so very happy to see her :))) and now the smiles were ten-fold.

A nurse had taken the new born with her; she told us that it was my kid... Before I could see my kid, my brother-in-law (Ahmed Shaji) called me from Dubai (My sister informed him this cheerful news within this short split second). I was looking to see if anyone to talk him on behalf of me. With no one around I had to go out to find someone, that time my dad came into sight I gave the phone him. It took around 5 mins.

This is one moment which guys should undergo to enjoy the mixture of feelings you happen to have on seeing your next generation.

In a short while I was asked to come to the room to bring some food for Aby. She was healthy and recovering.

This girl has been the centre of attraction for all of us and especially for Aby and me. It’s a symbol of our love. We have named her Azzahra Fathima, Azzahra means Shining :).

I am a father

It’s a SHE!!!

Yes, finally the suspense is over!! Today is undoubtedly the happiest day of my life. Aby gave birth to a baby girl this afternoon (14th July 2008). She looked so tiny and was so damn cute! To me, she is the cutest baby I have seen. She is so tiny but looks absolutely cute! I can't explain that feeling when I heard our baby is crying for the first time.

The experience of bringing a new life to this world is unexplainable. You are over the moon and beyond the stars. When you hear your baby cry for the first time is a moment that you will never forget. It made me go numb and I almost cried. I can’t believe that I am a father! I have been looking forward to this day with anticipation, but I never knew I was going to be this exited! Suddenly, the whole paradigm of my life has changed. My priorities have changed upside down and now everything will revolve around this tiny little angel!

Ever since the time our gynecologist told us that she is going to bring the baby out, I was on pins. I was so excited that I could not control myself! I was so impatient; I was counting the minutes to seeing the baby! And so was Aby, she was both excited and nervous!

Our baby is start breathing today because of the brilliance of Allah, and I don’t have enough words to thank him. I need to thank Dr. Zareena Khalid, who was our gynecologist. She guided us through complications and made all the right decisions along the way. And she is the best in the field. At Lakshmi Hospital, environment was excellent. I never saw that continuous smiling face, kindness, caring hands of nurses and all the other staff at Lakshmi Hospital. We always felt that we are in a maternity hospital and both the baby and the mother are in safe hands. I think Lakshmi Hospital is the best maternity hospital.

Is she a HE or a SHE?

These are some wonderful moments for the mom-to-be and dad-to-be, filled with lots of excitement, happiness and expectations. So I thought it would be a good idea to keep blogging all these moments which I can cherish later on.

Right now, we are in search of a unique name for our unique kiddo. We have gone through lots of names on the net and have shortlisted some of them. There are still more names to go.

There is also lot of excitement as to whether we are going to have a girl or boy baby? Guess we would have to wait for a month more (for the D-day) to know this. So as of now, we use both the male and female gender to address him... I mean her... I mean him... Oops :-)