Kerala’s traditional and conservative customs in pregnancy and childbirth

Pregnancy and childbirth customs are more traditional and conservative in Kerala than perhaps most other places. To my knowledge I am not yet aware of any hospitals or clinics which offer childbirth classes for couples. The tradition is such that when the wife goes into labor she will be admitted to the hospital where perhaps a female family member and the hospital staff will assist her through her labor and delivery. The husbands are not by their wives side and instead usually wait in the waiting area for the news of the birth. May be, this practice of no men in the labor/delivery area is further enforced because the woman is in a female ward with other women in the same condition (labor and giving birth) One of my friends attended during his firstborn son. He later commented that no husband should see what he saw. : )

But of course, after the woman has given birth, she is moved to a room (which may or may not be private) where male family members are allowed to visit her and see the new baby.

When the woman is discharged from the hospital, depending on the conservatism and traditions of the family, she may be released and go immediately to her parents home. Many families practice what is refered to as the “40 day rule.” After a woman gives birth, the woman is expected to have 40 days in which she rests and her body heals before she is viewed as ready to return to her home and sharing a bed with her husband. During this 40 day period, the husband may naturally come and spend time visiting with his wife and child but he will not stay or share a bed with her. And again, I reiterate this practice is not necessarily followed by all but most.

Such practices are indeed a contrast with the Western practices where the father is pretty much expected to be in both the labor and delivery rooms with his wife. Classes and training are given to the couple during the pregnancy so the father can be a pro-active coach to his wife. And in many cases, it may be the father who gets to first hold the newborn child and then present their child to the new mother. Of course such an experience forges an incredible bond between the new family – mother, father and child. If these practices take place perhaps in some of the private hospitals in India, then I am not aware of it.

The pains to be a father

Dr. Zareena Khalid had asked Aby to get admitted in Lakshmi Hospital, Aluva on July 18th evening. But 14th morning she admitted in the hospital caused by a minor hemorrhage. Aby was given medicines to induce pain. Also she was given an IV (drip) of glucose to induce pain. As expected, the pains started in a short while.

All the while from afternoon I and our parents were near labor room. Aby's mom visited her after that she went dead scared to hear her cry in pain. In fact we had to keep Aby's mom from coming inside because she could not tolerate her daughter undergoing the misery. Neither could I. My God, I was also near in tears to tell frankly. But I had to keep my cool.

Finally, by evening the pain had become more intolerable and doctor appeared to tell us that she has suffering a huge pain and that Aby may undergo an emergency operation if it wont happen till 6.30pm.

At 6.30 Dr. Zareena Khalid again appeared and told the baby's position is very positive, and we should wait till 9.30pm. This meant we had to wait for 2 more hours. All this led to a horrible mental state; I thought this time doctor was doubtful of a normal delivery, now all that I wished was that Aby be operated immediately. But still I wanted a normal delivery. If truth be told I really want to see her to give Aby a massage in her back to soothe her pain and give her all the courage. I don’t know, do women prefer to have the husband there or do they feel more comfortable knowing he will not see them during labor? In Kerala, The husbands are not by their wives side and instead usually wait in the waiting area for the news of the birth. May be, this practice of no men in the labor/delivery area is further enforced because the woman is in a female ward with other women in the same condition (labor and giving birth). Such practices are indeed a contrast with the Western practices where the father is pretty much expected to be in both the labor and delivery rooms with his wife. Of course such an experience forges an incredible bond between the new family – mother, father and child. If these practices take place perhaps in some of the private hospitals in India, then I am not aware of it.

I was hell worried about both the kid and the mom. All kinds of bad thoughts were running in my mind that time and all kinds of "what if...” questions began to emerge which made me carry. I was also feeling guilty for some reason.

The wait outside the labor room was one looonnnggg wait. Though it was for only 5-6 hours... It seems like 100 days for me. I was totally tense and I wasn't here mentally. Though people were talking to me and I was hearing them, I never really understood what people around me were saying. I was praying God for the safety and both the mom and the kid.

I guess I would have peeped every 10 seconds from the visitor’s area to see the labor room's doors... to see if some activity was going on.

Our parents and some other relatives were still in the labor room waiting area in ground floor. When we were desperately waiting, my mother came running down with a smile. Now I was not sure why she was smiling. I reasoned that nothing should have happened because I was keeping a watch on the labor room's door. I was on top of the world... I had a mixture of feelings :).

Immediately everyone rushed to labor room's door to see our darling. I was still not out of the mental stress and was still waiting to hear about Aby's health. Shortly, I was told that the mother was doing fine. Was thanking God... and immediately went to labor room's door to see my kid. All the while I was so sure that a daughter was born (Not that I didn't like a boy, but probably because of the fact that my siblings' kids were boys). was a proud father with all smiles in my face :).

Then I rushed in to the door to see my baby. As I neared the labor room, I could see all my relatives crowding the room entrance. As I neared I could see my parents and in-laws having a wide smile. And my mom was even crying with joy. She told me that it’s a baby girl. I was very surprised and was so very happy to see her :))) and now the smiles were ten-fold.

A nurse had taken the new born with her; she told us that it was my kid... Before I could see my kid, my brother-in-law (Ahmed Shaji) called me from Dubai (My sister informed him this cheerful news within this short split second). I was looking to see if anyone to talk him on behalf of me. With no one around I had to go out to find someone, that time my dad came into sight I gave the phone him. It took around 5 mins.

This is one moment which guys should undergo to enjoy the mixture of feelings you happen to have on seeing your next generation.

In a short while I was asked to come to the room to bring some food for Aby. She was healthy and recovering.

This girl has been the centre of attraction for all of us and especially for Aby and me. It’s a symbol of our love. We have named her Azzahra Fathima, Azzahra means Shining :).

I am a father

It’s a SHE!!!

Yes, finally the suspense is over!! Today is undoubtedly the happiest day of my life. Aby gave birth to a baby girl this afternoon (14th July 2008). She looked so tiny and was so damn cute! To me, she is the cutest baby I have seen. She is so tiny but looks absolutely cute! I can't explain that feeling when I heard our baby is crying for the first time.

The experience of bringing a new life to this world is unexplainable. You are over the moon and beyond the stars. When you hear your baby cry for the first time is a moment that you will never forget. It made me go numb and I almost cried. I can’t believe that I am a father! I have been looking forward to this day with anticipation, but I never knew I was going to be this exited! Suddenly, the whole paradigm of my life has changed. My priorities have changed upside down and now everything will revolve around this tiny little angel!

Ever since the time our gynecologist told us that she is going to bring the baby out, I was on pins. I was so excited that I could not control myself! I was so impatient; I was counting the minutes to seeing the baby! And so was Aby, she was both excited and nervous!

Our baby is start breathing today because of the brilliance of Allah, and I don’t have enough words to thank him. I need to thank Dr. Zareena Khalid, who was our gynecologist. She guided us through complications and made all the right decisions along the way. And she is the best in the field. At Lakshmi Hospital, environment was excellent. I never saw that continuous smiling face, kindness, caring hands of nurses and all the other staff at Lakshmi Hospital. We always felt that we are in a maternity hospital and both the baby and the mother are in safe hands. I think Lakshmi Hospital is the best maternity hospital.