I have held her in my arms when she was 10 days old. I am scared because she is so fragile. I am in awe of the power that this tiny being only a few days old holds over me. She was fair like fresh mist, her lips were red. Her eyes had the sparkle of a twinkling star. It was different experience holding her in my arms, a bony mass helpless, tiny and yet so beautiful! I wrapped her tightly in a small blanket; I cradle my precious newborn daughter in my arms. She looks at me, blinks several times, glances around and then returns her gaze to mine. Her eyes are so sweet. They are the most striking eyes I have ever seen. What does she see? How does she see it? Her eyes have re-opened my eyes as if I am seeing the world for the first time.
I work my fingers inside the warm blanket to find her hand. When I place my finger in the center of her palm she squeezes it with all her strength. Her fingers are long and slender. Her tiny fingernails are transparent, revealing the pink flesh beneath them. On the back of her sweet hand I can see the minute network of veins and capillaries held in place by her fair skin. This is the softest hand I have ever held. I raise it to my lips and kiss her newborn skin while breathing in through my nose to capture her scent.
Her legs kick and her feet wiggle out from her swaddling. I place the palm of my hand against the bottom of her feet and gently push. She pushes back, first with the right, then with the left, in quick succession. Her two feet are slender; however, large for a newborn. Still, they leave space in the palm of my hand. She has five toes on each foot. They are precious little toes with nails similar to the ones on her fingers, only smaller. Kissing her feet is a treat. Her toes feel like smooth warm peas wiggling on my lips.
I tenderly brush the knuckle of my first finger against her right cheek near her perfect pink lips. With her mouth open, her head immediately jerks toward my knuckle. This action makes me smile. I then brush her left cheek and again her whole head thrusts to the left. I turn my palm up and gently place my pinky finger to her lips. Her suck is strong and I can feel the blood rushing to the part of my finger that is inside her toothless mouth.
As I snuggle her back into the blanket my eyes take in every defining contour of my newborn daughter's face. Her head is shaped in a perfect round, with her slightly swollen nose at its center. Her ears are thin, long. They rest perfectly balanced on either side of her head. I raise her head to my lips to give her a light kiss. Her forehead is soft and ever so slightly fuzzy. It reminds me of a peach; her smell is much sweeter. Her hair is angel fine and has a hint of curl to it.
Nestled in my arms she quickly drifts off to sleep. I can feel her warmth through the three blankets she is swaddled in. For nine months and four days she has been safe inside of aby and now that I can finally touch her. She took a piece of my heart with her.
Her cries would disturb the entire household. Her tiny fingers, tiny pinkish palm, beady eyes used to make me wonder – “How can an infant be so small?” She used to cry at stroke of dawn and there were times where nobody except her mom (Aby) knew how to pacify her and make her quiet.
Wow, I'm a dad! For the first time in my life I feel so much. So many thoughts and emotions run through my mind. My heart feels completely open and totally exposed. I never knew my parents loved me this much, but now I am certain that they did. I was raised with the belief that God's love for me was more than I could ever imagine and now that boundary of what I thought love was has been expanded almost to the point of breaking.
I am exhausted; I watch the blankets rise and fall with each breath she takes and yet I lack the stamina to hold my eyes open. Finally, my exhaustion causes me to drift off into sleep with my beautiful newborn daughter sleeping soundly in my arms.
